I found a Psychotherapist....This shall be a very interesting way of looking at life. As long as I can feel comfortable I think I shall be okay. I really had no idea how much "help" I needed till a friend pointed it out. Gah life sucks right? What can we do? Like nothing! Oh well haha I guess it's time to go after all I'm so ah! Two hours of sleep, little kids, family and being unwelcomed isn't my cup of tea. =/ I don't want to do this.
"I fell into this hole feeling alone and un-loved, I shall pull myself out with love and passion see where it gets me. What can I lose? That my friends you have to tell me. I do know last night was tramatizing ugh! What a fucking hell, if I never have to re-live that night I may be okay. As you may have guessed another fight with my father this time not just how stupid I am, that my grades are fucking low but the whole factor "you need to grow up" I am trying I really am. I'm not what he wants and I'm not what my mother wants...Where does that leave me? I asked him what he would do if I left his life and he looked at me with that look like "you would never" but I am so ready to just walk out be done! This isn't worth my pain. Not today not ever. I mean really. For at least ten years now I have been reminded by him how worthless, stupid, dramatic, and un-wanted I really am. I believe him to fullest ya I am a screw up but I will strive to try. sigh" Broken and hurt.He actually hates his own loved one. What did I do?